You Might Be from AOL if…

YOU MIGHT BE FROM AOL IF…. (a compiled list)

… If you ever once hid your phone bill from your parents.

… Someone says “I got TOS’d,” and you know they don’t mean their salad.

… If you knew Solarwinds had nothing to do with sun or weather patterns.

… You’ve seen some pretty disturbing sets of genitals.
(and helped spread em)

… If you hated seeing Omer enter a room.

… If you’ve said or read any of the following words: “mah bish,” “yew” and “rawk my sawks” (and there was that brief spork thing, too).

… If you remember Lina (AUSTIN).

… And that Entemon had a crush on her (HIM).

… If you’ve ever SiMMed.

… If Fat Francis told you repeatedly to leave him alone.

… And then offered to PAY you to insult and bully him.

… If ghosting was something you could do while still alive.

… If you know hackers don’t exist on AOL.

… If your heart fell out of your ass because you tried signing in and got redirected to your sign on because someone was on your account already.
(and it wound up being your own parent. wtf).

… If you know Merlins not just a wizard.

… If you’ve ever had to say “that’s not even my current address.”

… If you know what Sub7 is.

… If you know what “pulling” something means.

… If you know never ever to DL from Lenshell.

… If you know what .r’s stand for (and it fills some of you with dread).

… If RYLAN ever e-mail bombed ya.

… If you don’t know any of your friends’ real names… or ages… or genders.

… If a bunch of no-name SNs enter a chat at once, you know it’s time to go (and you sat there anyway).

… If you ever look at your jobs website and say “I’ve MADE better profiles than this.”

… If you knew wav.ing had nothing to do with hand movements.

… If someone says “JBB” you think of horses.

… If you ever argued with a bitch/bastard for using your font color.

… If you HATED when AOL made the chat rooms bolts.
(But then loved the progs that followed- shock3, etc).

… If you actually spell color, “colour” (or used British spellings for years—A&E’ers!!)

… If you knew Phish weren’t for eating.

… And <>< doesn’t look like some messed up mathematical equation.

… If SmarterChild was your only friend.

… If you knew Masters had nothing to do with S&M (or college degrees!).

… And Star Tools had nothing to do with with magic.

… If you’ve ever had to minimize your client when your parents walked in. If you’ve ever heard all those anti-parent acronyms and said “I’ve never in my life used any of these.”

… If you know what PB is.

… And you’ve had to whisper while doing it.

… If you’ve ever heard at least ONE YTCracker song in your life.

… If your WMP is so high you’ve scrolled off from just talking how you normally would.

… If you used to Keystyle as a hobby.

… If you know where Rhy’Din is (and especially if you know it’s really Rhydin).

… If you heard {s welcome before anyone said good morning to you.

… If you’ve ever suffered from {s con/con.

… If you thought the movie You’ve Got Mail was unrealistic.

… If you knew punters had nothing to do with football.

… And Catwatch wasnt what your crazy neighbor with 20 cats does on a Friday night.

… If you KNEW the spammers that sent you that spam mail.

… If busters weren’t something that 213 had to regulate.

… If you’ve ever reminisced about 90s Nick toons so much you wanna barf whenever you’re reminded of stick stickly.

… If you ever impatiently waited for a SN dump.

… If even ONE nonsensical 3char was better than none.

… If you know “socialing” has nothing to do with being social.

… And you ever pretended to work for a cable company (that you were on the phone with).

… If your Social Security Number’s ever been spammed.

… If you ever tried to (or succeeded at) selling porn.

… If you desperately wanted or was lucky enough to have a secureID.

… And you wondered how the worst people got HOST names.

… If you know snitchin to OPSSEC44 means free SNs.

… And CRIS means more to you than just a name.

… If you’ve ever entered a room and saw screennames with numbers and promptly left.

… If you’ve ever had a conversation with a bot and didn’t know it.

… If you had to stop what you were typing to wait for a macro to finish scrolling.

… And NETbus wasn’t for gifted kids to get to school.

…. If you’ve ever called your aobffl while walking in from your car late at night just to say “I may get attacked, if you hear me scream call the cops for me, I live at ______________.”

… If you suspected Adrian Lamo was a rat before the rest of the world even knew who he was.

… If exploits were really sometimes as simple as knowing how to use KW.

… If Lotsenruf was the only German word you know.

… If your “first time” was on the phone.

… If KaLi came in, you knew it was time for battle raps.

… If you’ve used “lol@” to make a joke about someone or something years before it caught on anywhere else.

… If you know someone who SWATS.

… AND someone who’s been SWATTED.

… If losing your SN was a real threat to you at any time in your life.

… If you’ve had dreams involving chat windows.

… If you went in PRs to get warez (or music… or tv shows… or animes…).

… If you’ve ever had to paint your nails five times over cuz you couldn’t wait ten minutes to type something.

… If you’ve ever used $im_OFF.

… If you religiously use BL only privacy settings, too.

… If you’ve ever used a one or ninety nine sided die.

… Or if you’ve ever settled an argument with //roll.

… If you’ve ever been jealous of someone who prolly wasn’t even real.

… Or you ever thought someone was fake just cus they were attractive.

… If you pull your credit card out and think of lcases.

… If certs were something you didn’t pop in your mouth

… If you ever thought living in a house filled with other AOLers would be a good idea until you heard the real life horror stories (like dealing with Sketch).

… If you’ve ever wondered why it’s always the fattest, ugliest mother fucker in the chat that calls you or other average lookin people ugly.

… If you remember when you could code your profile to say “Sex: Yes.”

… Or if you remember AOL profiles having a “birthday” line, and why it was removed.

… If you had a profile tag.

… If you were disappointed when Bebo took over.

… If “rof1” makes ANY sense to you.

… If you got a mass e-mail from a SN you didn’t recognize filled with nudes of various people.

… If the people who picked on you were so mean you STILL have feelings about it.

… If you ever had to tell half a chat to STOP TYPING LYRICS. (and then busted out into A WHOLE NEW WOOORLD because it was appropriate for the ao_setting)

… If FREEZA was more than just a DBZ character to you (WHADDUP CHRIS).

… If you knew C-Coms were the end of chats.

… If you were 14 and had to lie about who was calling your house phone at one in the morning.

… If you’ve ever gone into one of the middled aged chatrooms and been called a “snert” or “script kiddie.”

… If you swore off the online dating site craze that non-AOLers hopped on, because AOdating destroyed the ability to trust someone’s pictures. Or identity at all. (AND REALLY WE HAD OUR OWN DATING NETWORK ANYWAY).

… If {s drop means something to you.

… If You’ve ever played Slingo privately when you were feeling reaaaally bored or really nostalgic.

… If OPSSEC64 was the enemy.

… If you ever researched the thesaurus to create a one word SN. JUST ANY ONE WORD!!!

… If you ever had the cops show up at your house between 12 and 6 AM.

… If your favorite font is ptsize=9.

… If you remember the REAL reason anyone even knows who Mike Virus is, is because he got arrested for taking SNs on “AOL”.

… If
;x
x;
;x
x;
Either WORRIES you or ANNOYS you (or you used to do it).

… If you remember little ao_hacking groups with applications to join.

… If you got numerous AOL CDs ordered to your house as a sign of being owned.

… If even though you had a different ISP, you still signed on AOL.

… If you know NOT to use AOL for the e-mail system.

… If you’ve ever had to add a complicated password for your cell phone plan or cable acct just for security measures.

… If q = g, i = l, etc.

And FINALLY you might be from AOL if…

… you’ve ever had to [x]