AOL

Stands for “American Offline,” and is sometimes referred to as “AOHell“, “gAyOL”,”LOL”, or “my shitty internets.” It’s one of the last surviving online services from the pre-home internet days, and originally offered an entire online system with limited internet accessa virus that was invented at least 100 years ago, and was wide-spread, being a serious rival for MSN. Today it offers banal, mainstream content for an exorbitant fee and few useful features. It creates a warm, fuzzy, safe-feeling environment for those who fear being on the Internets alone.

An irony about AOL is its creation and ownership of the AOL Instant Messenger system which is heavily used by many people who have a vehement hatred for AOL the ISP, but don’t hesitate to use the AOL IM feature as it is so ubiquitous amongst internet users that there is almost no escaping it. In other words, you hate AIM but have to use it because all of your friends are too stupid to use anything better. Also, AIM is guaranteed to make your computer 100% slower.

When AOL is referred to as an ISP, this is somewhat incorrect, AOL is actually considered a “content provider” as opposed to an Internet access provider. This is due to the fact that you must read at least a nominal part of AOL content before being given access to the raw Internet. But no one gives a shit.

AOL will never stop billing your credit card. Never.

AOL was once the world’s only source of 3.5″ floppy disks. When they went to CD for distribution, they went out of business.